Unobtainable peace and quiet
09 Jun 2011 Leave a Comment
in Personal Tags: frustrations, future, mundane life
So, for all I’ve made resolutions to figure out the more important things in my life and not get caught up in insignificant details like the first year of university when realistically, with knowledge of my background in schooling, I could breeze through it and still get pretty good marks, I’ve fallen into that trap again. That’s why I haven’t been tweeting much recently, and that’s why I haven’t spared one more thought to this blog: for the past few weeks, it’s been survival mode for various assignments & then revision mode for exams, and in between doing those things, some mindless, though somewhat fun activity that will let me zero my brain for a while.
How long will it take for me to figure out that I’m not a robot, and that I won’t need to be? When on Earth will I understand that living my life is not about getting good grades or understanding or remembering absolutely everything I was taught in class? When will I have the courage to dare to not care for a while, and not to panic when I’m called for it, but just figure it out then and there?
It frustrates me, you know, to keep making these promises to myself and then back out every time. Well, not back out, perhaps, because this time I really feel like I was trying — trying to not worry about it too much. I’m not very good at it, and I could blame my parents and my cultural heritage for it (Finns are way too serious for their own good, you’d understand if you ever lived there for any amount of time), but my other problem is that I just can’t give myself a break.
How incredibly, frustratingly ironic is it that the hardest thing for me to do is to cut myself some slack in, well, everything?
Anyway. If I still have any readers left who sort of sometimes ghost around this unpredictable blog, I apologise for my absence and tentatively promise more posts in the future; it’s exam period now, but it’ll be over sooner than later, and then I’ll be on holidays for a month. I might even post about my plans for next semester, because I’m working on the whole cutting myself some slack thing, but there are some organisational problems to that that don’t depend on me and I’d like to hear an answer on before I announce anything, because otherwise it’ll be too painful if it falls apart.
See you around, guys. Bubble baths, starlit skies and peace, everyone. Especially peace; and quiet.
