Mathematical problems
19 Apr 2010 Leave a Comment
in Personal Tags: angst, future, ponderings, study
Iiii should be doing math right now, but it’s frustrating enough to understand it and still not be able to do well on a test/School Assessed Coursework thing we had, so I’m just ignoring it. Which, of course, is a vicious cycle, because the thing I should be doing now is not a lot of study of theory, like I do in chemistry, but to do a lot of practical application, but I don’t feel like it, because I don’t like a subject I’m not good at.
Oh the throes of having to study math in order to be able to do chemistry later, once November has passed and I am a free woman of obligations of stupid forever! … Well, not exactly, but it doesn’t get much more annoying than high school I hope. It’s so ironic, too, being able to do chemistry almost effortlessly and having to put so much effort into math. Then again, it might just be how we’re taught — I can do math questions as long as I’ve seen them at least once before, but I become completely immobilised if there’s something I’ve never seen before on that paper in front of me, in which case I am, nicely put, rather screwed.
So sad to be so rapt in schoolwork that I can’t even think of anything else, but what can I do, that’s my work and my life and I don’t have much else to — don’t look at me like that, of course I have other stuff to talk about, but this is what bothers me most of the time, so I also spend most of my free time complaining about it and trying to get rid of the whole burden of study. And I happen to genuinely like studying, thank you very muchly, and it’s most likely/hopefully something I’ll be doing the rest of my life. Facts, facts, facts, give me more of them.
Oh, boy, I love chemistry like I love cake. That is, hypothetically.
And again, this brings me back to math and my problem with applications of theorems and everything, because I can be given really difficult chemistry questions for homework (something that my teacher usually doesn’t even mean to be that difficult and only gives it for us to solve as food for thought, or at least in that spirit-ish) and I can work them out: not without effort, but the point is that I can. I have this some sort of weird mind-block in math that prohibits me any individual thinking, or something!
Maybe it’s just something that seeing a string of unexplained numbers invokes in my brain…
Anyway! Life! I will go along with getting one at — some point. Then again, this is me conforming and being afraid of not having anything interesting to say and having a one-track mind and not doing the things “normal” people do and that they call this phenomenon, life. I’m being defensive because I don’t believe there might be people out there who might like/have an obsession with their education in the same way I do — or allow it to define their reality in the way mine does to… well, mine. I know there is/are, but I also know I’m not particularly interesting at this point, but who cares!
It feels kind of lonely in here, speaking to myself and all…
