Informative, yet tired
09 Dec 2010 1 Comment
in Blog maintenance, Personal Tags: late at night, seasons, sleep deprivation
Riiiight, so instead of going to bed like I promised, I finally made an “about” page and updated the description on my … Gravatar, or whatever it’s called. I should probably really look into this whole using WordPress system, because I feel like such a beginner — making only posts and pages and having a minimal amount of side bars and stuff like that. If only I was somehow graphically talented or… inclined, really, I would design some awesome layout for my blog… … Wait, I have a special someone who is SOMEWHAT graphically inclined, and a sister who doesn’t know anything about layouts (nor do I really know if my significant other does, but hey, I just assume that he knows everything and can do everything, because that makes him happy [I assume]), and maybe I can get them to do something with this bloggeroo that would make it a bit more like me!
… Though I don’t really know what that is, yet. It might have socks and quirky things. I remember having a blog called “The Sock Drawer” that was all about my family moving from Finland to Australia. That was such an awesome blog! The only problem it had was that it was in Finnish, and my Finnish skills started to deteriorate really quickly, when speaking pretty much seclusively in English with the people down here. I speak English even with my sister…
But I kinda went off in a tangent there. What I was initially going to say was that it’s probably not a good idea to have updated all of these things when it’s late and the house is quiet and I’m just tired enough to be relatively coherent, but still have this whole “I’m hilarious” and “I don’t give a shit if other people don’t think I’m hilarious, but it’s ok, because they totally must — random shenanigans are so me, right, right, right?” thing going on. Am I making sense? I might not be making sense.
Oh, by the way, you must’ve noticed that I haven’t been complaining about the weather for a while: it’s because SUMMER is FINALLY HERE! I didn’t have time to post about it while it was slowly creeping upon us, and about the exhilaration that I felt to be able to be outside and not freeze to death, but instead feel the rays of the sun (thanks to our wonderful hole in the ozone layer) warming me~ Now, it’s like fully summer here. I swear, I sometimes wonder why Australians don’t go fully naked — modesty is such a silly thing, when you live in a climate where every little garment is just that much more discomfort. I guess that some of it is essential for protection from the sun that causes your skin to burn and eventually cancer (everything causes cancer, though, but I’m not going to paint skin cancer any less serious than it is; Australia does have a lot of skin cancer going on), so fair enough. Still, I bet it would be a lot more comfortable, at least physically, just to be able to strut around naked.
Heh, well, that’s a vision that won’t go realised soon~
Anyway, I should really be a good girl now and go gallop to bed, because otherwise no-one will like me after tomorrow’s whining about how tired I am. It will totally be my own fault, and I will hate myself for it.
Coffee and love, everyone
p.s. What with me not being very good at this blogging business and all, could someone possibly tell me what’s the purpose of having BOTH categories AND tags?
Check it out, I can talk about twenty things at the same time!
05 Oct 2010 2 Comments
in Personal Tags: enthusiastic rambling, flow of consciousness, holidays, more awesome than you can handle, optimism, seasons, study
Erm. I don’t know if I widely advertised the fact that I just had a two-week break from school, but if I did and if I boasted something about the fact that I would have had a lot of time to, you know, update my blog and do fun stuff and the such, I obviously meant social stuff that has nothing to do with the internet and me prattling on to a very limited readership (not that I mind my limited readership, mind you, it’s not like I have time to pimp my blog anywhere anyway). Why couldn’t you figure that out by the time I said it, eh, eh? A girl (or, you know, any human being) needs her time off, duh!
If I never did, then hi, I think I’m at least a little back again. I know that the previous sentence made next to no grammatical sense, but that’s ok, because my mind is full of math at the moment, anyway. Honestly speaking, I’m not really in the mood to blog now, either, like I really haven’t been in the past two weeks or so. It’s funny that at the very moment stuff starts actually happening in my life, I fly out of the internet and don’t even miss it, until I’m bored again. Take that, teenaged me — real life wins, after all!
Ok, I’m rambling, I know, and I’m sorry. I’ve just had so much fun and so little blogging in these two weeks that I don’t even know where to start. I could always start talking about my financial state and how having lots of free time makes me want to do things and, of course, want things to do (ha, c wat I did thar) — which oftentimes means “no moar money for you, missy.” I need my job back! I can’t afford seeing three movies in two weeks — not with my addiction to popcorn and the overpriceyness of foodstuffs in cinemas. And, you know, tickets. But the movies were SOO GOOD. And then there was that dvd that I absolutely needed — no, wait, a set of dvds and then a blu-ray disk and lots of clothes, because the weather has become nicer (YES YES YES SUMMER IS COMING I CAN SMELL IT IT’S GREAT until my nose starts running because hay fever) and my wardrobe has become empty at some point in time I wasn’t paying much attention to–
and I have become SO addicted to Avatar: the Last Airbender that it’s not even funny, and then I just finished watching the last episode last night and was heartbroken so now I’m watching it again, because I’m a masochist like that (hey, little kiddies who don’t know what a masochist is — don’t google it — I SAID DON’T). And then, of course, there’s the exams that are coming at me like a freight train (this is a funny reference to a text we’re studying for English, which is one of the first exams, because alongside with being a masochist, I’m also a huge nerd), and I’m simultaneously exhilarated and terrified and stressed and all those other wonderful feelings that come with something that will determine if or not you get into where you want to study next year — ooooh, and then I’m really excited about the place I want to study at next year, because I was reading up on it and it’s absolutely AMAZING and I can’t wait
and I kinda need a hobby… And I wanna start writing again. That’s probably the most annoying thing about having had a very short holiday just now, a majority of which you had to sacrifice for thinking about or actually doing study for the sake of exams. It was kinda like they dangled a treat above our noses and let us lick at it — the treat here being the SWEET, SWEET FREEDOM that will come after exams — and then cruelly snatched it away, saying “you’ll get the rest of it in a month and a bit!” A month and twelve days from today, to be precise — that’s the day of my last exam.
I should probably stop rambling enthusiastically right now, and go back to that cursed math. And then French, I suppose, since I’ve been avoiding it for the past two weeks or so. Sigh!
Here, have pictures of how I motivate myself to study:
That’s right, I totally employ the power of ORANGE CANDY. <3 If anyone ever loves me so much that they will go through lots of places and buy me this sack full of orange lollipops (such as in the illustration on the left), I will totally… love them forever. That sounds kind of like a lame promise in exchange for candy, doesn’t it? Then again, it also implies that my love can be bought with orange candy — which it totally can, so I’m fine with that. ;3
Regardless, I’ll stop babbling right now and go ahead and continue studying math. I might be back later with something more coherent to say, but don’t count on it until after exams! And even then, I might be too awestruck by my freedom or, alternatively, too free to actually write anything here. But I promise, eventually I’ll settle back into blogging a lot more often — I love writing and talking to random people on the internet WAY too much to stop.
Peace and rambly thought-processes to everyone!
Rationalising about irrationality
05 Sep 2010 Leave a Comment
in Uncategorized Tags: late at night, ponderings, seasons, slight angst, suspense, videogames
UPD 13-Sep-2010: While trying to sort out all the prompts for the next post, I realised that this one pretty much fills the one for
Day 21: Something illogical you think or do.
I actually had a pretty good day today, for once. Good on the scale that it’s raining now, and probably rather cold outside, but I don’t even care — yeah, me, the sun-loving, cold-hating little kitty-cat doesn’t care that it’s wet and cold outside (and why should I, I’m inside; but a lot of the time I do, so take that). Or, well, at least I had a good end of the day — it kind of began pretty shittily, with a headache and nausea that caused me to want to eat only frozen raspberries for breakfast and got my mother to nag about how I’m feeling sick just because I haven’t eaten properly, but I, personally, attribute it rather to my incredibly stupid hormonal cycle (though I wouldn’t tell that to her, since you can’t argue with The Ex-Nurse), which causes, along headaches and nausea and various cramps, this incredibly annoying irritability, hyper-sensitivity (because I’m always sensitive) and irrationality.
I’m a very rational human being — I like science, and I like logic. I’ve always been thanked in English for being able to construct a coherent, logical argument. I do like creative writing, too — but even in that, I like my thoughts to be organised, my intentions to be clear, and each and every thing that happens in a short story or in a novel to be rational, and to clearly and logically follow some other action. This applies even to human beings in my stories — except on a more emotional level. My stories are usually character-driven, and before I create anything else, I will create a character; and how I envision that character to feel and to think, that is where the logic of the story is. Everything has a place and a reason — even seemingly random and useless occurrences are usually there because I felt they would suit that spot there, and because later, they will develop into a character trait or a plot twist or something less significant than that.
I know you’re probably confused about where I’m going with all this, but be patient with me — this blog is one of those things that isn’t exactly very organised, logical and coherent, and there’s multiple reasons for that, too; ones that should be clear in the way I write and what I write about. Anyway. If you go into as superficial definitions as stereotypes, you could say that I’m pretty male in a lot of ways; in how I value rational logic (oh, except that I don’t fit those stereotypes at all, because as logical as I like to think that I am, I’m also pretty driven by emotion; but I think that even emotions are logical in some sort of a manner, and all you need to do is understand the origin of the emotion for it to be clear and rational as day — I don’t like the misconception that logic and emotions can’t go hand in hand) and how I’m incredibly unable to multitask. This is completely unrelated, but this should be mentioned, mostly for shits and giggles — especially since my significant other is always so eager to remind me that I can’t do basic things such as drinking and walking at the same time. The explanation for this is a lot more physical than the one for my usual inability to multitask — simple concentration on one thing at a time, I do something with 110% efficiency or not at all.
But I’m obviously not male, and I’ve got a stupidly retarded hormonal cycle to remind me of that. Even forgetting the physical unpleasantries, I would still hate it with a passion, because of what it does to my mind. Once every bleeding month, I become incredibly depressed over nothing in particular, and the smallest, usually perceived shortcomings of myself or the people around me will make me burst into tears. If there is no such outlet, I will be gloomy and depressed and lethargic for a few days. Then, I become irritable and impatient for the next, often going back to being the sarcastic, almost mean-spirited, too-good-for-you human being I was a few years ago. After this, the hormones usually decide to leave me alone and let me be considerably happy for the next few weeks — until it comes back.
The most annoying thing about this stupid cycle (you can probably tell how much I hate it from counting how many times I’ve referred to it as “stupid” — I was never very good with insults, *smiles sheepishly*) is that the extravagant, ridiculous extremes that my emotions fly to are so very real to me. I get incredibly depressed over someone dropping a cookie on the floor (an actual reference I use when I’m bawling over nothing in particular to note the world around me of how no-one died and that I’m actually rather alright), and at that moment, it is the end of the world, for me. Where it gets infuriating and bizarre is the notion that even when I’m feeling so depressed over the death of this cookie, I will still acknowledge how ridiculous I’m being. I could almost bet that 75% of the aforementioned irritability is my internal fury for not being able to contain my stupid, chemical-ridden brain. Those weeks are probably the only ones in which I will feel strongly about nothing in particular, and be just as irrational as women are, according to the stereotype, supposed to be, most of the time. It annoys me SO; and even more so, because there is actually nothing I can do about it. Just bitch and whine like the teenage girl I am, ugh.
So, that’s passing over another time, again — no-one’s dead yet, so I suppose that’s a good sign — and I’ve been having a fairly alright day. In this day, I witnessed once more how it is impossible for me to stay within word limits (writing a report for Chemistry on the industrial production of ethene — there are seven or so points we need to cover, and I’m in the middle of covering point 2, already having used half of the word limit), dabbled with The Sims 3 a bit again (just a bit, though, because I didn’t really have time to REALLY get into it) and talked on the phone with my significant other, the drummer deity, for some 45 minutes or so. God, that was one of the best conversations on phone that I’ve had for ages. Still, I wish he was home already. I wish next week wouldn’t be so busy. I wish it were holidays already. I wish it to be next weekend, when I’m supposed to get my copy of Kingdom Hearts: Birth By Sleep! Most importantly, I wish it were tomorrow, because I’m supposed to get French toast tomorrow, heeee.
Carpe diem, they say, and I endorse that idea — but sometimes it’s just so HARD. It’s hard to not wait for all of this awesome stuff; it’s hard to make yourself concentrate on probability (that I still don’t get; damn you, Markov chains) and on all this school stuff going on, because SPRING IS COMING and summer is almost here and IT’S ALMOST OVER.
Peace and French toast to everybody.
She’s not a maniac, she’s a lunatic; get it right!
23 Aug 2010 1 Comment
in Personal Tags: 35 days, music, seasons
Oh, I know that I was going to do a whole music post today, but seeing as I already posted a huge wall of text, I’m determined to keep my blog at least a BIT reader-friendly, so maybe I should keep this post short and sweet. Ironically, the chaos that was the previous sentence would’ve already disproved any reader-friendliness the length of the post would’ve been striving for and hey, you know me, I enjoy writing entirely too much to write a blogpost that is less than a thousand words. Maybe I should challenge myself! But that means that I’ll have to postpone the whole music post. Besides, I’m too dazed to write it right now, anyway.
That’s mainly because my mother is a funny little creature who decided that since she dragged me to the gym once last week with this visitor card that she had gotten from there when she had been friendly to the receptionists there (lesson of the day: be nice to people, they give you free shit), she should totally sign me up for a two-month concession membership (it’s usually three months and a lot more expensive, but she’s awesome like that). So now I’m a member of a gym. I would like to make a HUUUUGE point of how she didn’t actually consult me at any point of this process, a fact that I still find so hilarious that I’m grinning like a loon (it did happen, even though I have no pics); but maybe I should try to content myself with “Mother Knows Best”, especially since today was fun and me and my slightly less crazy mother drew a loooot of weird looks as we giggled uncontrollably for a reason I can’t quite remember for the entirety of the hour and a bit we were there.
This manic energy I have right now might be because of that, or maybe because of the full moon that was last night and that will still prevent me from sleeping much/well today, because I’m a lunatic (c wat I did thar) like that. I really have no idea what it is about me or the moon that makes us not play very well together. Does anyone else have any sorts of problems with the moon, like that? With me, they’re specifically usually that I can’t sleep, no matter how tired I am — and it’s not a light issue, either, because most of the time I won’t even know that it’s full moon, until I go and check it somewhere and then go “oh, so that’s why I didn’t sleep last night.” I can’t really describe the feeling as anything else but feeling jittery — like, your body knows that it’s exhausted, but your mind keeps on racing at 100mph, even though you try your best to just calm down and… you know, sleep.
OH, and it was sunny today again, too! My weather app (I’m sooo addicted to those things, but surprisingly, I haven’t used any money on them since… the last time I did [very convincing, isn't it]) told me that it’ll rain on wednesday, and I’ll be very disappointed then, because today it was SUNSHINY and that meant that I could wear only four layers of clothing with my sleeves rolled up, no scarf (mother bought me a new one, since the last one became a black hole somewhere) and no delightfully rainbow-coloured gloves that my sister fixed for me (I don’t shop and I don’t mend my own clothing; I smell a failure as a female!). And and and it was nice, for a change. AND IT SMELLED LIKE SUMMER AGAIN. :3 See how happy it makes me?
I know that talking about the weather all the time may seem a little retarded, but I’ve always believed — and know — how profoundly the different weather and seasons can actually affect your state of mind. If it’s sunny, it makes a lot of sense for me to be happy — and if it rains for months in a row, I am going on a murderous rampage, after which I will probably attempt to shoot the clouds away.
Anyway, I’m beginning to get tired, so I should try to sum this thing up.
Day 13: A song which describes your current emotions
The short explanation that lyrics are usually very important to me, basically because I’m a writer, is rather necessary, when considering the types of songs that I might link. I haven’t quite decided yet… So I might link a few.
Feel absolutely free to disregard the video for this one, and listen to just the music. This one is because I never stop being madly in love.
This one is because I’ve recently been listening to this sort of juvenile argument about politics that is going on generally within my age group because of the recent Australian election; most of them seem to be very impassioned about their own points of view, and similarly uncompromising toward each other. I think this one always sums up my feelings about such situations.
For this one, specific lyrics aren’t as important as the general sentiment of it. It’s kind of distant, kind of dreamy, and it’s still the sort of soft, fortifying song that Poets of the Fall likes to finish their albums with. I love the “here and now” of it, and the “all dreams realised” — it’s a good song to show how fucking happy I am about everything right now. I wasn’t kidding about that grin before — I can’t get this smile off my face, and I really don’t want to. This song encompasses everything without having to be specific about it, and it manages to sound very simply good while it does.
Day 14: Your favourite book
Day 15: A movie that made you cry
Yep, that’s the sound of me being done and going to brush my teeth and then to brush everything off my bed (I don’t know why, but stuff has this weird way of accumulating on my bed) to try to go to sleep. By the way, I didn’t make it under a thousand words. I think it’s somehow impossible for me. Reader-friendliness — ha! Who needs it, anyway?
Love and pineapples to you determined people who have read this far today. <3
They told me that I talk too much, but I wouldn’t listen (doing some frantic catching up)
22 Aug 2010 3 Comments
in Personal Tags: 35 days, enthusiastic rambling, future, seasons
Now we shall begin by pretending that the last two days didn’t happen, because otherwise I will have to answer three — or four? it’s getting too late for my partial sleep-muddled (to which I will return shortly; I’m not AS sleep deprived as I was during the last post) brain to actually process how many days it’s been since my last post (or maybe I just can’t remember and aren’t man enough to admit it) — prompts in one post, and I don’t think I have patience enough for that. Also, the past two (yay, I remembered!) days were rather uneventful in themselves, so they don’t really carry that much relevance at all — unless, of course, they want to hear how I went to my significant other’s home on saturday and hang around with the curtains closed WATCHING STARDUST (which is a beautiful movie made out of a beautiful novel, by the way; I need to read that one again so that I can rave about its amounts of sweet and yet, awesome), which I’m just going to go on a limb to assume that you won’t, since I simply cannot not mention my bloody boyfriend every Goddamned post because I’m so much in love.
Hi, sweetie.
But today, which is a sunday (I emphasise this for clarity), I was forced to wake up rather early to go to this French morning thing for school, where they would — and did — go through pretty much every aspect and part of the exam, since there’s an overwhelming FOUR of them. Ok, so it was at least moderately helpful, and I now have a clearer understanding of what I’m supposed to do, but it’s just a trend that I’m noticing in almost all of my subjects (except ones with competent enough teachers, like Chemistry; or with subjects where we don’t have enough time for such nonsense, like math), now that the exams are getting closer: the teachers, ESPECIALLY in English, are very fond of going over and over and over about the exam, restating things that they have told us some hundred million times. I’m not saying that it’s solely the teachers’ fault, either, because every time we start going through the English exam — which also has three parts, two of which have two allocated texts each that we’ve studied this year — there seems to be some major confusion about which part is which, which text goes to which part and so on and so forth. I can’t understand how difficult it is to… understand, ironically enough. We’ve gone through it a million times!
The off-tangent rant aside, and even though I’d be rather reluctant to admit, this whole French morning thing (even though it DID rob me of some significant hours of sleep) helped clarify to me what I still need to study for the exam — and how I need to do it. I feel like I’m on top of my French studies for the first time in the entire year — and that’s a feeling that might just be taken away by our last SAC, on tuesday. But let’s try not to be TOO pessimistic about it, shall we, especially since the day looked like THIS:
YES, that is actually the SUN! I swear, this was the first completely sunny day in AAAGES — at least the first sunny day for which I was actually outside for most of it. Also, I really love Melbourne, as you would know if you followed my Twitter feed (which can be seen to the right — I’ll just assume that it has some sort of a link to link to the actual profile; I haven’t checked). I also love my phone (which still hasn’t been named, I’ve just realised; everything has to be named. The laptop I’m typing on is called The Terrifying Noveling Machine in honour of my first NaNoWriMo year and victory last year), which totally enabled me to take that brilliant pic of the city that is present in a Tweet about how much I love Melbourne as you would know if you followed my Twitter feed (can you see the pattern emerging here? I’m having fun; and I really love brackets). I’ve not been to the city in aaaaages,and that’s some ages waaay too long. I think it’s a good thing, though, because I barely resisted the urge to saunter down to Minotaur. I love Minotaur to the point where going there unemployed is a bad thing, because if you are able to walk into Minotaur and walk back out without having spent at least SOME money, what the hell are you doing reading my blog anyway?
I’m just kidding. But there’s a lot of awesome stuff down there, like a wall full of Sci-fi (I just refuse to call it Syfy — whose Godawful idea was that, anyway?) and fantasy novels and Hayao Miyazaki movies and and and MERCHANDISE, I’m such a materialistic bitch. But it doesn’t count if it’s books, right? Intellectual property and all? Right? *makes puppyeyes at you*
So, to recap my day: waking up so early was terrible, French morning was productive but boring at times, and a sort of unwanted wake-up call for how much I still have to do before the exams; the food & Boost I got were good, the sun was nice and all in all, being in the city always gives you this feeling of peace and being a part of the world. I really don’t get what people always say about how soulless big cities are — at least Melbourne is FAR from it. I love you, Melbourne, for so many reasons. I hope I will never have to part from you.
Day 10: Something you want from your life
Ok, so this is more of a short-term than a long-term thing (because I’ve just barely decided what I want to study next year, without actually deciding on a career or anything yet; and I always try to do the whole carpe diem thing of living in the now instead of trying to constantly envision the future), but I’ve always wanted to live in a small apartment. I very vaguely remember living in a block of flats with my parents as I was a teeny tiny little child, but most of the time, we’ve lived in homes big enough for all of us. A lot of space to clean, you know — a lot of space to organise. Currently, our four-person family is actually living in a house far huger than it would really need, just because we can afford it. … Well, it’s technically not ours, but anyway.
Don’t get me wrong — I do like the space and all; but I’ve always been the kind of a person who likes herself some organised clutter. Just look at all the houses I create in Sims 3 (yes, I freely admit that I play Sims 3 and I’m not even ashamed of it, you rude people of the internet): there’s always JUST the right amount of space, and not one square too much. And something about living in an apartment, maybe by myself, maybe with someone else (would have to be a hand-picked someone I knew I could live with, and wanted to live with, though — and I’m not ready to make such evaluations of all the people I know over the internet) just allures me. And maybe that’s not a dream as far away as it may have seemed, some time ago…
Day 11: A book you’re going to read during the next month
Realistically, this prompt should be “A book you’re going to begin reading during the next month, but which you will not have time/effort enough to finish”, because that’s been the ongoing trend for the past two years or so. I’m really hoping that I’ll be getting back to reading books once this whole academic pressure that is the bullshit that is VCE is over, because I really do miss it — and I think that my writing could do with a bit of reading as a manner of, uh, research into writing styles or whatever, too.
But if I had all this extra time on my hands, I would go and finish re-reading Robert A. Heinlein’s Stranger in a Strange Land, finish off Eoin Colfer’s Time Paradox (I think — I’ve got the Finnish version, and that’s what it’s called, and I’m just too tired to google at the moment), re-read Neil Gaiman’s Stardust (just ’cause I feel like raving about it), and then tear into the accumulated works of various authors that have ended up in my bookshelves without me reading them. Yeeeah. Books. *gazes longingly toward bookshelves*
Day 12: Your favourite item of clothing
Uh. I don’t place so much value on clothing, you know, at all… And I don’t necessarily have any one item of clothing that is any more important to me than others. I do like clothing that is loose, comfortable and colourful. I like summer clothes a lot more than winter clothes, if only because they are usually a lot more colourful than winter clothes (and I always wonder about that — who in hell decided that “oh, it’s the darkest season of the year, maybe we should make all the clothes dark too, so that the people who look at each other and see everyone wearing this black and gray bullshit will feel even more depressed about the dark as they did before”?), and lighter, and hence more comfortable. I’m Finnish, and you should know that Finns are very comfortable with being naked (at least usually — don’t know about silly teenage hens [or hens/cocks of any other sort; I don't discriminate by age, I can't afford to], because they’re always the same, different nationality or no); just look at our saunas, and our national tradition of swimming in our lakes naked. I’ve always thought that clothes are to protect you; you’re not there to protect your clothes.
Day 13: A song which describes your current emotions Day 14: Your favourite bookThat’s all from me today, folks. I’m sorry this stretched out to be one monster of a post, but that’s what you get when you allow prompts to accumulate on themselves and let me start ranting on about things like that. You brought this upon yourself, you did! Another final note: I think that, in light of tomorrow’s prompt (hoping that I’ll be more awake tomorrow than I’ve been during these past afternoons), I might do this entire post about what music I listen to and why and what it means to me, tomorrow. There’ll be a lot of linking to youtube, if that goes ahead (assuming something drastic and life-changing will happen tomorrow — or rant-worthy, but hey), so please bear with me.
Love and snozzberries:
Are there even any creative ways to express sleep deprivation?
19 Aug 2010 Leave a Comment
in Personal, Sort of a review Tags: 35 days, seasons, shiny, sleep deprivation, slight angst, suspense
And yet another day of neglecting to update my blog. Sigh! I can say that it’s because I haven’t been sleeping a lot lately — which is kind of fine, seeing that I’m not actually feeling too bad at all and can function normally (except for the whole, you know, deteriorating coordination thing that makes me hit myself and walk into things a lot), but it also means that I don’t have enough energy for extra stress (which is a good thing) or any additional effort, like writing a blog — which is a bad thing, I suppose. I’ve never really been good with this sleeping thing, though, not even as a tiny little kid. Mother always tells me how I was an exhausting child, since I never slept any during the day.
It also showed in school, when I burst into tears in French, since my mind completely blacked out and my teacher is very good with making things stressful, especially when we’re supposed to have a conversation with her, completely in French. Speaking was never my forte, not even in English — so I hate that I’m expected to express myself orally in the end-of-year exam. It’s not that I don’t understand or know the language, I just can’t speak it, just as I can’t speak anything else!
Ok, so my oral skills (ha) have improved consistently since I actually started talking, unlike your average Finnish person, but hey, if I want to cling on to my perception of my personal problems when there are really none, I will! … Because that totally makes a lot of sense.
So, my excuses for not writing a blog post is that precious little has actually happened (since precious little ever happens at school — also, you’re probably sick of me mentioning my significant other every two lines or so, so maybe I shouldn’t talk about how we went and had lunch/coffee [iced chocolate -- Gloria Jean's, I love you so] and it was very, very nice), I am tired to the point where it has turned from beneficial in reducing stress to stressful, and I am addicted to my iPhone.
Well, it was kind of expected, wasn’t it? I mean, it’s shiny, it’s got cute and addictive games on it (like ROBOT UNICORN ATTACK), and heeeaps of useless apps that are just shiny enough to pique my curiosity and have me spending loooots of money on them. Sigh. Welcome, bankruptcy, I wish I still had my job…
Anyway, since my few days have been rather uneventful (on the sort of let’s-tell-the-world-about-it scale), I’ll go ahead and answer the prompt I missed, along with today’s prompt:
Day 08: Your favourite fruit
I know that it isn’t (or may not — ever since grade 3, it seems to have been some sort of a competition between everyone on how to classify fruits, vegetables and berries and so on and so forth, you know, to the tune of pineapple being a bunch of berries) necessarily a fruit, but I love strawberries. A hell of a lot. I mean, they’re reeeed and juicyyy and kind of sweet without being too sweet, retaining that sort of a tangy flavor sensation. I’m not too good with sweet things, so anything that’s sour goes, pretty much. Hence I also like pineapple, green apples (that bright green, sour kind), etc.
Day 09: Something that you’re really waiting for
SUMMER. You’ve heard all about this, but I want it to stop being cold (it’s not been too bad the past few days, actually — I’ve almost felt my toes for the first time in a few months, even though yesterday one of my fingers swelled up with warmth once we got home, that’s how cold it got outside), dark, grey and rainy. I’m perfectly ready to be complaining about the hot temperatures and the piercing sunshine again.
And holidays, of course, with the passion of one who hasn’t slept well for a week and will have to get up tomorrow to go to school, and on sunday morning to go to a bloody French thing where they dissect the exam so that your studying is made easier for you. I mean, it’s incredibly useful, I suppose, in terms of exam strategies (like my English teacher likes to say) and knowing what the hell I’m doing for once, but AT 9:30 ON A BLOODY SUNDAY MORNING, IN THE CITY, TO WHERE A TRAIN RIDE TAKES AT LEAST 30 MINUTES? I’m already sacrificing my whole bloody week for this insanity, and most of my sleep and my life and my.. sanity, AND NOW THEY ASK FOR MY SUNDAYS?
… I need a holiday.
Day 10: Something you want from your life
Day 11: A book you’re going to read during the next month
You kiddies try to sleep a lot more than I do, ok? Accidentally banging your head against everything that remains immobile (because the mobile things know how to dodge me already, lifeless or no) is really not fun.
p.s. I might not update tomorrow because of a severe case of tired (or of shiny), but when I do, I’ll try to give you some picshars of/taken on my shiny gadget thing. Just for shits and giggles, you know?
The state of my toes and some very floaty business
12 Aug 2010 Leave a Comment
in Uncategorized Tags: enthusiastic rambling, seasons, shiny
Oh dear, but I believe that I am addicted. For the entirety of last night (during which I proceeded to do nothing school-related, by the way — I was really proud of myself [and even more proud I could be if I could stop my obsession with my education for long enough to actually not even mention it once during a post, but hey, what can I do]), I kept on having this insane urge to post something here. I have fallen in love! It feels good.
But my “special someone” (how silly is that name?) could’ve told you that already. :3
Anyway. It’s thursday morning as I’m typing this, and I’ve already hurt my toe twice. It will probably be thursday afternoon/evening when I FINISH typing this, and it might be every bit as confusing and disjointed and LONGPOST IS LONG
because I like talking. Or writing. Or whatever. Anyway, I need to leave to go to be tortured by education now, so see you in the afternoon, *snicker*
… *silence* …
*abrupt sounds of a door flying open and a bag being thrown into a corner, accompanied by some cursing when clothes are changed to something more comfortable, mostly because of the excessive layers of clothing one must wear when the ventilation of the school consists mainly of literal HOLES IN THE WALL (called vents, but SERIOUSLY HOLES IN THE WALL)*
Good afternoon! According to my predictions, I should be falling over dead right now, but I’m not, strangely enough — instead, I’m just having a short break from doing my chemistry homework, because the words started doing the hula in my head, and I wasn’t absorbing anything of what I was reading. Don’t you love that feeling? You just look down at the words and go “I’m pretty sure that it says something of importance here, but I can’t figure it out for the life of me.” So I suppose I’m tired, after all — just not so tired as to want to curl up in my bed and read Cracked until dinner, where I will gain some energy from the CARBOHYDRATES included in it, and will keep on going ’till midnight.
I mean ten. Ten in the evening. That is when I go to sleep, because I’m a good little girl who doesn’t, by any means, keep herself up too late most nights just because she is a) chatting to her boyfriend on msn, b) reading some interesting articles on the site she just advertised (includes miscellaneous surfing of zhe internets), c) staying up for the hell of it, d) not sleeping because of the full moon.
Excuse me while I laugh a little.
I had a pretty cool day today, even if it did include my speshul someone telling me that my derrière is fat, for which he then proceeded to apologise many times over (which was quite amusing, I’ve got to admit) — and the fact that I carried my gay umbrella to school today in the paranoia that Poseidon would continue his bitchiness today and I would get soaked, if I didn’t, but of course it didn’t rain, it NEVER does when I have my umbrella with me. Except on tuesday. There are exceptions to every rule! Well, at least my toes stayed dry.
I have this huge urge to post some pretty picture of my gay umbrella for you to look at, since I kind of remembered today that father DID give me his old camera when he got a new one — and this is related to a story, too, hang on for a moment, I’ll finish this one first — but it’s dead, because it’s battery is completely empty, and the charger is not in my possession. And, being a member of generation Y, I WANT IT NOW, but my father is busy installing new showerheads (that I’ve been waiting for like it’s something edible — the old ones were crap), and hence I cannot. Oh joy. I suppose that I’ll just get it off him when he’s finished, and then post pictures of the umbrella later. :3
Speaking of which, the catalyst in this remembrance of that camera that has been gathering dust in one of the cupboards under one of my bookcases was the absolutely awesome balloon that was merrily floating, waiting for me in the corner of my room when I came home. If you know anything about me, then it’s that if it’s not shiny or made by Apple (this is a joke, you Apple-haters out there, and it’s semi-inside; however, check out this video here to gain a glimmer of knowledge [Christ, that was a Look Both Ways reference] as to what I’m going on about), it better be a musical — with which I mean that I like balloons a hell of a lot. Not in the way that they make me feel strangely turned on, but in the way that they make me feel bubbly and happy and probably roll around on the floor a little to express the delight that cannot be expressed in words. It’s an incredibly cute balloon, too! And it’s floating. I love you, helium. Speaking of helium…
Anyway, there’s a reason that balloon is in my room, and it’s the fact that I’ve been legally an adult for some time now (like, two weeks), but we’re only having a par-tay on saturday, and knowing how much I love balloons, especially when they’re floating, my beautiful darling mother had gone and bought this container of He and two bags of balloons (I think she said that there’s some 50 of them), and the special one that is now floating merrily in my corner. I’ve probably said “floating” far too many times now, I know, but I’ve only realised just then how pretty that word is and how much I love it.
I suppose that’s enough of me rambling about how awesome my life is for the moment. I promise that once I get the charger to the camera (I can’t really think of it as MINE, because the last time I operated a camera was a loooong [refer to fig. 1.1 at the top of the post] time ago), I will post photographic evidence of a) the balloon, b) the gay umbrella. And also, I’ll answer today’s prompt for the magical 35 days thing then.
’till then, keep your toes dry and away from high-velocity impact with other solid objects!
Oh, the season of strawberries, cream and skin cancer, how I yearn for thee
10 Aug 2010 Leave a Comment
in Uncategorized Tags: holidays, seasons, suspense
Ah, schadenfreude.
I suppose it’s terrible of me to feel gleeful about the fact that all of my Finnish friends will be returning to school shortly, but I’ve got to honestly say that a few more posts about how warm it is and how carefree all Finns are on their stupidly long holidays, and I will break down and weep like… well, I don’t know, few things weep like I do in this world (except for puppies, maybe; or baby animals in general), so I’ll just say that I’ll possibly weep like me.
It really doesn’t sound impressive or persuasive at all, when you put it that way, but hey, all I’m doing is being honest! Now’s when I realise what I wrote and pause and act melancholy for a moment, because I’ve learnt some things about regulating honesty, and self-control (which is also a part of regulating honesty, because self-control usually relates to emotions, and your emotions are [however biased] always honest), during the course of my life. But I suppose that I don’t have to rant about that right now, because I’m moderately happy, even though I’m still annoyed.
Ah, yes, summer. The time in which you don’t have any homework to worry about, or any upcoming exams to study for, or any curfews (self-inflicted or not), or deadlines, or times to get up and times to go to sleep. I know I’m a really organised person, but I honestly hate schedules on a general basis. I’m alright with allocating dates for tasks, but actual times… no dice. Sometimes you have to pace yourself during the day according to how you feel, and not how you’ve scheduled it. My mother still fails to realise this, and if something needs to be done, in her opinion, it always needs to be done RIGHT NOW. I suppose that my dislike for schedules comes from there — both mother and father have always been very fond of scheduling. Ugh. Of course, in the summer, the ideal would be that there be no need for real scheduling, except for maybe going out to the city or the beach or wherever it is that people go in the summer, teehee. Maybe going out for ice cream?
Another thing about scheduling is sleep. We were talking about this earlier with my significant other, and it’s pretty clear that both of us are the sorts of people who will be most awake at six pm, making it more comfortable for us to shift our sleeping rhythms, well, forward. ‘sides, there’s probably nothing in this world I love more than staying up very late with someone you love and just talking about things that pop into your mind, as little as they usually make sense. And even if you’re alone, staying up in the middle of the night, when everything else is quiet and there’s the sort of “it’s too late to do anything, so I’ll just stop stressing” sort of vibe going through my head, and when the night closes in on you and all your world entails is this dim room around you… Yeah, I can’t really imagine anything else. What I plan to do in the summer break is shift my sleeping rhythm some five hours forward — stay awake ’till one-three in the morning, and wake up around midday. :3
The third thing, of course, is weather. I really do understand that Melbourne needs its rain because of the drought it has been having for ages now — but as a Finn, where rain is little more than miserable and a constant annoyance, I’m finding myself very sick of that, too. It’s been better recently — the sun’s actually come out a few times in the past week or so, and the temperature almost went up to twenty (celsius, that is) yesterday (which was a pity, since I didn’t actually need to leave the house once yesterday), and the sun doesn’t set as early as it did just a month or so ago. It’s almost getting me hopeful about the fact that the warmth and the nice breeze and the sunshine and happiness will be soon coming… or did, at least, ’till I had to make my way home from school today in the sort of pouring rain that had my toes completely soaked after half a minute in it. Well, at least I got to use my wonderfully gay umbrella (it’s got a few stories related to it — basically it’s just a rainbow-coloured umbrella), right? Anyhoo, I’m the cold sort of human being that will still feel like the intestines of a refridgerator in a 30 degree heat (this is actually a tested fact), and hence I’m very easily and very thoroughly cold. Hence, logically, warmth = very nice. And summer clothes are cool, too — always so colourful, and so light and yay.
I might even go swimming a bit this summer, since I avoided it for the entirety of the last! That, though, means beaches and that means sand and sunscreen, because apparently feeling like a refridgerator goes together with having fair and sensitive skin that doesn’t like getting any darker, but instead enjoys being painful and red a whole lot. Anybody knows that sand and sunscreen really don’t mix together.
BUT I must really wait ’till the summer so that I can really start complaining about it. I always do this: when it’s winter, I hate it, and when it’s summer, I hate it a little less, but I hate it yet. And I don’t REALLY hate it — just that those birds singing outside my window at this very moment, with the soft rays of sunlight and the narrow stripes of bright, blue skies in the midst of dissolving rain clouds make me long for the summer. A lot.
Hurry up, Earth! Can’t you travel through space a little faster?
